Pleasurable Money Podcast Transcription
40 | Permission to Be Who the Fuck You Are with Amber Leitz
PODCAST INTRO:
This is the Pleasurable Money Podcast. Hi, I'm Meaghan and I'm the divine alien driving this here spaceship. I'm a pleasurable money coach with over a decade of experience in finance. During that time, I've learned that a mix of systems and spirituality makes a perfect blend. I have helped hundreds of spiritual business owners heal their relationship with money, and I'm here to teach you how to become money's ride or die.
Stop treating money like a booty call using the help of tools like breathwork and pleasure, which will be featured on this podcast and learn from me and other experts about how to own your wealth. Together, we will break down what it looks like to be in relationship with money and to be in full embodiment with your pleasure.
Episode 40 Begins:
Meaghan: Welcome back to the Pleasurable Money Podcast. I'm your host, Meaghan, and I'm so excited to have you here. I am with my beautiful coach, Amber Leitz today, and we're gonna talk about sex and money and power and all of the things. So Amber, if you want to introduce yourself, tell the people who you are.
Amber: Mm, thank you so much, Meaghan. I'm so happy to be here. Hi, I'm Amber, I'm a certified erotic blueprint coach. I'm also a sex and wealth mentor, and it's kind of hard to think of like an elevator pitch, but I really feel like what I'm stepping into now is helping women leaders, especially like women who are just there for the more - like they want more money, they want more wealth, they want more pleasure,
they want more orgasms and not from a place of like being ungrateful or [00:02:00] unsatisfied, but just like they know that they're here to live bigger and deeper. And that more is like the permission into who the fuck they're here to be. So it's kind of what I'm I'm really into is like sex and wealth and power and stabilizing and normalizing that we just get to be, do, have experience more and especially through using pleasure and the erotic as the pathway to creating that and stabilizing at it with safety.
Meaghan: Yeah, I. Have this tagline, you know, be rich unapologetically. And in that I would talk a lot about allowing ourselves permission to just be so about what we're about and not let anybody, uh, knock us down a peg or make us feel shameful or whatever about whatever we want. And so I love that you do this work.
It makes me, it gives me so much permission to do this work too. And
Amber: Because we need to.
Meaghan: [00:03:00] Yeah. And I've noticed that and I've like, come to realize that I've been like, it's almost like whispering. Like, I feel like I'm whispering the things that I really wanna say. Like, so for instance, on a podcast episode recently, you were, you said something like money gets to like fuck us open and like life gets to fuck us open.
And I literally. Have, like, I ha wrote this piece like two years ago about like, what do I want out of life? Let me find the line. It says, um, "I wanna be ravished by life itself, fucked open, set alight and wrecked with passion." And I feel like every time I would talk about this piece or tell people that I wanted to be fucked open, I would like, like whisper it, like, okay, I want, I [00:04:00] want, I wanna live with so much passion, but I wanna be fucked open, you know, just like, like I'm not allowed to like, say that too loud because I don't wanna like ruffle anybody's feathers.
When I think about what I want out of life, the answers are never tame or boring. They are never mild or vanilla. They scare me, seduce me, excite me. Should I share them with you? If I shared the answers with you, would you think I'm a bit kooky, weird, offensive? Would they inspire you or send you running away?
Can I trust you with the
desires that I'm afraid to admit even to myself? And what happens if I don't share them with you? Would it be enough for me to hold
them close to my heart as my little secret? I think it wouldn't be enough. I think I have [00:05:00] to share these burning yearnings with you. I think I might explode if I don't.
So here it. Here's my soul. Here are my guts. Here's the very fiber of my being, what do I want out of life? To be ravished by life itself. To cut my thumb with a bread knife while slicing up a baguette to dip it into $30 olive oil. To lose myself in an ice cream sandwich in the middle of a restaurant so deeply that I don't even notice myself licking my lips, sucking my fingers, closing my eyes and moaning with every bite, absolute presence in the moment.
Luxury and dirt, heaven and hell, rage and passion. Millions of dollars. Unhindered [00:06:00] uninhibited, loving relationships. Engaged on fire community. Opulence embodied, holy hustle, fucked open, set alight, and wrecked with passion.
And so the first thing I wanted to kind of talk to you about was that like, literally yesterday I realized that you are giving me permission to say those types of things that are outrageous and kinky and like, you know, um, what's the word - like polarizing for people. And so I'm just curious, like what your journey was and is with being polarizing.
Amber: Hmm. That's a really good question. And I've actually been sitting in that a lot lately because I had this woman recently who she is like an old [00:07:00] client of mine and she sent me a message on Instagram. I think it was last week. And she was basically telling me how much my work has impacted her. And she said something really interesting, which I'd been playing with, which is
what if, cuz I have been playing for so long and like being triggering, if you will, you know, just using the kind of common language that I think most people understand of like activating people and giving people that possible, very polarizing experience of like some people are really gonna love it.
Some people are really gonna hate it, but she said, you talk about this work in a way that actually doesn't trigger me. And it was kind of because I was, I don't know, I'm just playing with this belief of like, what if my work actually like I'm willing to be polarizing if it needs to be because like this work is very taboo.
Um, but what if like my people who find me actually. I don't know, it's like almost setting this intention of like, it's gonna be so polarizing that those people just like come in and go right back out. It's like the universe just takes care of them for me, it's like they unsubscribe [00:08:00] themselves instead of leaving me comments and shit like they used to do in the past.
And I just love the fact that she said that because it was like, I'm playing with this idea of like, what if my work isn't actually that triggering for the right people? What if I do say things in a way where they can land for them and maybe, you know, activates them in a more positive way versus like, I have to like trigger someone into their deepest shit in order for them to have to hire me or something.
But yeah, the polarizing thing has been, for sure a journey because it started with sex. And like, that was a scary thing to start talking about. And then. To start talking about money with sex is even scarier. And then like there's other layers that are, you know, coming in with my work where it's like, oh, it feels like really uncomfortable for me, but it's been in my practices being willing to like sit in uncomfortable sensations and keep saying the things and having my own back and just being like, when I don't say the things that [00:09:00] I know I'm supposed to do.
Like when you said that you were like whispering now "I'm getting fucked open." It's like when I was whispering things, I was calling in clients who were at the whisper level instead of really kind of like saying the things boldly to the people who are ready for the work. It was like, when I'm not willing to say the things I know I'm here to say and be who I'm here to be,
and like live in that unapologetic way - then my whole life matches that and it doesn't feel good in my system. It feels like that moment where you know that you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing. And because of that, like life is matching you in that space. And it's like, well, I'm like this close to having what I want, but it's like, I'm not quite there.
So for me, the polarization has been like, yeah, deeply uncomfortable because I've lost relationships over it. I have triggered friends that, um, has led to beautiful moments and some moments where the relationships had to end, [00:10:00] uh, family members being worried about me. Like just a lot of different things.
But for me, it's a place of power. And when I can anchor into that place of power, it's like, it doesn't matter what happens. Um, if I suck up or I'm willing to repair and clean it up, but most of the time the polarization is simply that there are people who don't like the way that I'm living and that's okay.
Like, am I willing to the affirmation to kind of lean into in the question is like, am I willing to sit in the discomfort of making other people uncomfortable, if it means that I'm being who I came here to be like in a soul level, that I'm living as expressed, as I know I'm here to be, which creates freedom and more power in the body?
Like I'm not here to be small. So am I willing to make other people possibly uncomfortable, if it means that I am basically being who I came here to be doing what I came here to do, making as much money as I know I'm supposed to, or want to, or whatever, which then leads to more impact? And like [00:11:00] basically living the life that I came here to fucking live, you know, like it's worth it to me to make some people uncomfortable because their discomfort is actually not my problem.
Meaghan: Yeah, while you're speaking, the, the people that, um, What came to mind was the people who build their platforms on being polarizing and being triggering. And they're like, whenever they have like a hot take, they like have to share it with the world because it's going to amplify or charge people into engaging.
And it's like people, these people that stir the pot just because they know they can.
Amber: Yeah,
Meaghan: And I'm curious, like if you've ever had that, like that, you know, mind trash kind of seep in around, like, am I just stirring the [00:12:00] pot? And my being triggering for triggering's sake? Like, have you ever dealt with any of that sort of, um, mindset issue?
Amber: I I'm sure that I have, I, I definitely have like worried. I think my part of that is like, oh, I've worried about being triggering or like, worried that like, I, I guess there's been this fear of like, oh, the more me I become, like, what if I do become like a pot stirrer, like a sexy little pot stirrer. And like, sometimes I think that everyone's different.
And I think that there are periods of time where sometimes we're moving through a phase of our life where we're just like, fuck it. I'm gonna be bold. I'm gonna say shit. But for me, it's never about like trying to post something to get a reaction. And I'm not even saying that people who do that are like bad or wrong.
I, I really think that it's kind of like personality. I don't know. I'm not like a big human design person, but I've been learning more about it. And I think that there's certain [00:13:00] human designs that are more likely to say bold shit. And it's like, their job kind of is maybe to be a pot stirrer in a way. But I also think for me, it comes down to like my soul truth.
Am I saying the things that like my, I know that I can't hold inside anymore because if I hold them inside, I'm gonna feel sick. Like, I'm gonna feel like I'm not being who I came here to be. And the more I worry about like, am I stirring the pot? I'm usually not like, I'm usually not stirring the pot for me.
It's about integrity. It's about like, I'm gonna say the things that I know I'm here to say, sometimes they're gonna be a little spicy and sassy and bold, but I've also come into this practice of like sitting with something, especially if it does feel really edgy and being like, is this my truth to share?
Like, is this coming from a place of like something happened and I'm acting out? Like I've really just been sitting in the embodiment of like giving myself permission to play, and maybe fuck it up and, and, you [00:14:00] know, do things cuz that's what we need to do. We can't sit there and be afraid to like speak our heart or pussy or soul's desires, and like our truth if we're constantly like filtering it through.
But sometimes I'm, I'll sit with it and be like, okay, like, do I need to like integrate something? Or is this just coming from like my own trigger? And I'm just like, I need to, it's like, I'll take a, I'll take a pause for a bit and sit and make sure that if I'm sharing it, I'm at least neutral or that it turns me on to share it.
But not that I'm just like doing this for the likes or trying to do this. Cause that just isn't my pathway personally doesn't feel good for me, um, to just focus on like van vanity metrics or like stirring the pot to create drama. Even though sometimes I do love the drama, I'm not even gonna lie.
Meaghan: Yeah. Well, one of the things that I was just about to ask was what is your relationship with keeping things secret or like close to you instead of sharing [00:15:00] every little, um, light bulb moment that you have, like, I'd love to know kind of how you discern what you share with your audience and what you keep as, as a beautiful secret.
Amber: Yeah, that's a really good question. And I feel like for me, I just know in my body when supposed to share something, and this has come from practice of like maybe sharing things before they were processed or, um, you know, sharing things and being like, all right, I tried that probably not gonna like do it that way again.
Or like, say it that way again. Or I just feel it like if I, and not everything does need to be shared. Like, I think that sometimes there's this entitlement that happens in the online space where everybody feels like they're entitled to know everything about the person that they're following, which I don't feel is true. Like, there are certain things that I hold sacred. Like I don't share as much about, um, [00:16:00] motherhood, for example, because it's just like, I wanna protect the safety of my daughter and myself. And for me, it just comes down to like, am I holding? Am I not sharing this because I'm afraid people are gonna like, think I'm a fraud.
Or, um, for example, maybe I could just come out with something right now that I'm working on a post around that. I, um, it's a really Testament moment for me in my work, which is like earlier this year, I, um, had this experience where I overdrafted my bank account, like an embarrassing number of times, because I had several clients like high paying clients who just stopped paying me in the same month.
And at that time in my business, it was like earlier in the year, I was like, a lot of my money was going in and right back out because I had a full team. I had a house cleaner coming every week, I had the nanny, I had like three fucking coaches. I was spending a lot of money. And so when I over, I can't even remember,
it was like 15 times I like overdrafted my bank account in like a week or [00:17:00] something. It just like kept happening. And I was like, oh my God, like, I'm such a fraud. This is so shameful. People are gonna like, they, blah, blah, blah. And it's like that. If it had happened a year before, it would've derailed me, but I was like, no, like I'm actually safe.
And I'm okay. Like I'm going to be taken care of. I made more money. Like, and I'm actually really glad that that happened because I've held several clients through it. Um, I don't have shame around overdrafting my bank account anymore, which I was terrified of because I was never that person, like I've been on both ends of the spectrum.
When I was in my early twenties, I was that person that had like five, six K saved up in their bank account, had no credit cards. And I swung to the other end of the pendulum when I started my business and it wasn't - it was more like personal development stuff that I had on my credit cards. And I still have debt to this day, like, which I have no problem with.
Um, but for me it was like, there was this point where my identity shifted to like, oh, I don't overdraft my bank account. That's bad. If that happens to you, it means that [00:18:00] like you're bad and irresponsible with money. And then I think it happened one time in like 2016. And I like lost my shit. Like I felt like shit for months, it actually ended up messing with my income for about a year because that one fucking overdraft and then, excuse me,
Like, I formed this story of like, I'm never gonna overdraft my big account again. And like, I needed that for a period of time. Like sometimes we, we create belief systems that serve us for a season, and then they actually become toxic and harmful because we have put so much meaning into them. And then yeah, that overdraft, like snowball effect kind of happened.
And I was like, fuck, like all these stories about myself. And then I, for me, it was like, I turned it around so quickly. I leaned in to work with my one coach that I kept, which is my one on one coach. I cleaned up so much around my money. I stepped into so much of my power. And now at this point I'm like, whatever, [00:19:00] like if I -
and I also was in conversation with a lot of other business owners, like friends of mine who are going through the, the back same shit, like all of us at the same time. And I'm like, okay, there's something here. Like I'm not the only one. Part of this is like industry stuff. Part of this is just like, we're all going through these different seasons and cycles together.
Like this is kind of what I feel the industry needs is for us to let go of those last bits of shame. And at this point I've done the work around like becoming neutral of like, I'm not, I mean, I still have fears like I'm human, but in comparison, whereas I was like 99% terrified to a point where it was like, so graspy with my money, because I was afraid if I let money out, it was gonna lead to another overdraft.
And then that happened and it was like, oh, okay. Like what if this isn't the end of the world? What if I'm safe? What if like, this is actually part of what's gonna make me so amazing at holding money in the future is like, I don't have like money in my grasp either way? It's [00:20:00] like, I was afraid of having so much money come in because I was afraid I was gonna lose it and be abandoned by it.
But I was also afraid of like spending money and having the overdraft happen. So I'm actually really grateful that it happened because not only have I helped clients through it, but it's like, I don't have any fucking charge around it anymore. I don't need to have shame around it. Like there's so many other business owners that I know that are like in debt or have overdrafted their accounts.
Like it just fucking happens, but nobody talks about it.
Meaghan: Yeah. Yeah. I mean, , I wouldn't say that I overdraft all the time, but like, I'm very, like, you know, like the way that I do my accounts is with profit first. So I zero out my income account. I zero out a lot of my other accounts that don't need to have money in them at all times. And so sometimes a bill will come through and like make it go into the negative. But then I have, [00:21:00] I have fail safes in place that will like transfer money from one account to another, if that happens.
And it's usually always covered, it's usually like, totally okay. And if my bank ever charges me a fee for the overdraft, I just, you know, send 'em a message in the chat and say, Hey, can you refund this? And a hundred percent of the time they do. So it's like, it's never, I, I, like you said, I have no charge around it.
Like I have debt as well. I'm very like. In flow, in flux with my debt, it comes and goes. Sometimes I have $30,000 worth of debt. And then sometimes I have, I'm sitting at like five or $600 for like six months in a row. And that's totally fine with me. It just ebbs and flows and it's, it's all a choice to make an investment over time versus paying it in cash at [00:22:00] all at once.
Amber: Totally.
Meaghan: And I feel like that's a very empowered decision for me to be able to allow debt, to expand me and to take me further than my cash money could in this very moment, because I, I wouldn't be working with you right now if I, if I wasn't allowing my credit cards to, I call it the universal tap on abundance, like. Like this access to this, um, ethereal money that is, that I otherwise wouldn't have access to.
Amber: Yeah, absolutely. I love that so much because when we become conscious of like, what season and cycle am I in with my money right now? Like, does it feel good to have debt or, you know, does it feel good? Like for me right now, the phase that I'm in is I'm okay with having debt. I'm not really, doesn't feel [00:23:00] aligned for me to be like focusing on paying down the debt.
But I have a feeling that probably in the next six to 12 months, that might be more of my focus. Whereas right now, like, I, I know that you and I talked about in my podcast episode with you, where you were talking about like, you know, the values of like, this is what you value spending your money on. And I also see it very similarly of like what season and cycle are we in?
I spent so many years in the season and cycle of lots of money coming in, but also lots of money going out. And I'm still kind of moving out of that because I've also just been like, I wanna go through a period of time where all that money was going into like business and team and coaching. Like so much of my money is now or was, and now I've got the right kind of support, but it was like for a while, I just wanna fucking enjoy my life and kind of coast for a bit.
Like, yeah, I'm making more money, but also like that's not my biggest focus right now. I wanted to spend the summer, um, enjoying my money. Like I really wanted to do that. It was important for me, it was so healing for me. And now I [00:24:00] feel like I, as we're transitioning to fall soon, I wanna start focusing more on like saving and holding even more money and like, yeah, making more money, saving, holding more money.
But I had so much shame for so long because I wasn't recognizing that I was actually in a growth cycle where I, it felt good for me to invest a lot of money in the coaching support and in the business and the household support. So it was like, oh, I'm just bad with money. Whereas it's like, no, I was actually just, it was important for me, when I wanted was to have the support to help me come to this place now where I feel like I'm so neutral with so many things where it's like, oh, that's not a big deal.
Like, yeah, I still have my like drama moments and my meltdowns and that they happen less and less and less. This used to be like any little thing that happened, whether it was like a missed, uh, someone, a client didn't pay or, you know, someone said they were gonna join a program and they didn't, or had an overdraft or like anything that involved money.
It would like take me out [00:25:00] sometimes for like a fucking year. Whereas now it's like, I very rarely sit in something for more than a couple of hours, because I know what processes to use on myself and, or to just like fucking relax and like have a day. Um, I know to like check in with my coach or certain friends that I know are happy to hold me in that space, but it's just like, are you in a season and cycle of like wanting to save and hold more money?
Are you wanting to actually focus on paying down your debt? Are you wanting to, and it's not even like, they have to be like one or the other, you get to create it the way that you want. But like, for me, it's very intuitive of like, what do I feel like I need to become neutral around right now? Like, what am I holding on?
Because for a while it was like I had so much, um, fear and shame around debt. Whereas now I'm just like, I'm grateful for this debt that I have because I have a car that I'm paying off and I have this house that we're paying off and I have like, you know, occasionally I've had to put like, team on the credit card or whatever, depending on the, [00:26:00] the dates that payments are coming in and payments are going out.
But for me, it's just like, it's really about like taking our power back and just fucking releasing shame. Like there's no, the shame isn't gonna help you make more money or keep more money or do any good that money.
Meaghan: Yeah. Yeah. I totally agree that like the shame is what kinks up the hose and like, you know, kinky shame is a thing and like, we get to play with that and like, I just love how much permission you give. And that's why like, the first like five little points I have here on my notes are like permission to this permission to that.
So I wanna move into one of the other things that recently I kind of had this light bulb moment with you from one of the things that I was, I don't remember if it was a, one of your courses or a podcast I was listening to, but you said something like, [00:27:00] um, I'm, I'm building my business so that I can be a lazy bitch.
And like, I don't wanna be like, I'm lazy in the best way. And that to me always felt like I could never, I'm not allowed to want to be lazy as a business owner. Like I I'm a coach, so I have to want to have 5, 6, 7 coaching calls a day. And like that has to be the way my business is built. And then you went into like, I don't, you were saying how you don't wanna sit at the, be at sitting at the computer all day and like, you wanna be able to fuck off and do whatever you want at any moment.
And like kind of build and flow in your day, the way you want to. So I'd love to hear you talk about the lazy bitch persona that you play with and like how you have made it feel really good to you. And like the permissions you've given yourself.
Amber: Mm, that's such a good [00:28:00] question. Yeah, my lazy bitch, I call her my lazy pleasure hedonist because I just love, like, I mean, I, if you can, like, imagine the most extreme archetype I love playing in that. I'm just like, I would love to be the person that just lounges. Like I have this, uh, velvet couch that I just love to like lounge on.
And I would love for someone to like fan me and feed me grapes and like, legitimately, I feel like that's sometimes what I walk into the living room and see my child doing with her nanny. Like I think it was the other day on one of our calls. I went out there really quick and the nanny was fanning her with this pink feather, like tickling her.
So it, it definitely rubs up on my child now, but yeah, like for me, I just, I think back to my life. And I'm like, wow, like, and this is a lazy is a very reclaimed word. And I understand that probably has a lot of negative connotations for many of us, because I've definitely been called lazy in a negative way of like stopping lazy, be productive.
It's very conditioned to our culture of [00:29:00] like our worth is tied and our value has been tied into like how productive we are, our output, how much money we're making our body, our sexuality, all these different things. And that isn't true. It's not true at all. Um, so for me, stepping into this like lazy pleasure hedonist bitch archetype has really been a reclamation of the part of me that actually doesn't really wanna work that hard at all.
Like, am I willing to work? Yes. Have I put in the work? Yes. Like I feel like my body has actually been super tired this year. I've been calling this my bed rest year because I have been in my bed resting a lot. I do a lot of my calls from bed from the bath, um, from the couch, like just lounging because my body is finally deconditioning from all the years where I was hustling in my business working 12 hour days.
I literally don't know what I was doing. Like probably just dumb stuff. I didn't need to be doing like, messing with the color and the font on my websites [00:30:00] and making just perfectionist kind of stuff. Right. Like I used to, um, be so perfectionist about things because I thought I had to be professional and put together.
And some people still hold that, but they're not gonna be the people for me. Like, I feel like my clients love when I record content from the bathtub or I'm just like, you know what, I'm bleeding and I don't wanna look at the camera today. So I'm just gonna do audio. Like I do a lot of, I do my calls with you on audio because.
First of all, I actually feel like I channel better when my eyes are closed. Like sometimes I'll close my eyes, even right now when I'm talking, cuz it's like, I get a little distracted by looking at things. So yeah, for me, it's like, I don't wanna work that hard. And when I think back to all the times in my life, I was that kid that would like come home from school and watch like, Hey Arnold and SpongeBob in my sister's room, laying on the floor for like three, four hours a day.
Like I loved doing nothing. I would sit with my legs against the wall and like bounce a bouncy ball. I just [00:31:00] love doing nothing. I love being able to take like a two hour walk, wandering around wherever the fuck I want, go get a Chai from the local coffee shop. If I want to. I love just having freedom and spaciousness because another thing I've realized this year, which is why I've actually not even been caring, like how much money I'm making is because I needed to reclaim freedom.
I needed to reclaim freedom from schedule, freedom from money. Where it's like I'm not building a business. I don't wanna six figure, multiple six figure seven figure business, if it means that I have to sit at my computer all day. Like, and I was starting to kind of veer back into that. And I was like, Nope, I just wanna be lazy.
I wanna be tired. I've also been raising a toddler. Like I've been literally raising a child and it's very physical raising a child. Like she, especially her, she's like all over my body. We finally just stopped breastfeeding. That's messed with my hormones. So like for me, that I [00:32:00] actually don't wanna work that hard.
And I, yeah, I wanna make fuck tons of money not working very hard, um, has been like one of the biggest reclamations because everybody else around me in my life is working lots of money and making like one 15th of what I'm making in like a month. Like. And, you know, I've definitely had to do my work around that, but I know that I'm giving other people permission to see that there's another way to do it.
And also like you can absolutely make money resting and being your version of lazy. Um, so yeah, just for me, it's really just like, my body wants to just like rest and relax. Like I want to lounge and pleasure. I wanna be a hedonist. I want my life to feel juicy and orgasmic. And I also, like, we get to fucking design our lives.
Like I don't desire to be on five or six hours of calls a day, at least not right now. Like maybe one day that will turn me on. Who knows? Probably not, but maybe never know. But [00:33:00] right now, like I this is why I only have one private client, which is you because I just like, I wanna be able to really go deep into, um, work with my client.
So I have primarily, you know, masterminds in group programs and then you as my private client and maybe taking like a boxer client in there, but it's like, I just wanna be a lazy bitch. I just do, and I'm gonna give myself permission to do it.
Meaghan: I love that you said that, and I love that you said, I love that you said that you were starting to veer down this path of like, Ugh, you know, six, seven figure business feels heavy. It feels a lot. It feels like work like, Ugh, gross. And you were just like, no, like that's not gonna be my reality. And you were just like, what do I have to do internally, in my mindset?
Who do I have to surround myself with in my immediate life, in my immediate [00:34:00] presence who are going to expand me into not having to work so hard, not having to not feeling like, like when you were talking, I was like, yes, like, it just felt like a, like a weight lifted and you just like shifted from, you know, being aware of the fact that you wanted more money, but more money felt hard and heavy.
And then you just decided. Okay, it doesn't have to be that way for me. And it's not quite that simple of like you just decided, and then it was.
Amber: Totally.
Meaghan: It's like it's a lot of, uh, deconditioning and, and untangling of everything that is the, the multiplicity of our deep wounds. But yeah, I just love, I love that piece because I'm like giving my, like in this moment, I'm literally giving myself permission to do that, [00:35:00] to do the same exact thing.
Amber: Mm. Yeah. I love that even Friday, um, Friday. So I work three days a week right now, um, which feels so nourishing for me. I work Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Wednesdays are my mommy daughter day date with my daughter and usually have a sex date at night with my, um, but Fridays are kind of like my swing day.
If I wanna work, I will. If I don't, I don't, if I wanna do a mix, I will, but I took myself shopping. I got myself some new lingerie. Got my nails done. And then I went to this rose garden and then I came home and I was watching Charmed on the couch. And my mom called me and Scarlet was at my sisters on Friday.
Cuz the nanny only comes to three days a week that I work. So she goes to my sister's house on Fridays, which my sister loves, she loves being with Scarlet. And my mom calls me and I'm telling her that, oh, she's like, oh, Scarlet at your sisters. And I'm like, yeah. And she's like, oh, what are you doing? I was like, I'm watching Charmed.
And she's like, wait a minute. You're like watching Charmed on the couch while your [00:36:00] child is at your sister's. And I'm like, uh, yeah. She's like, I just love you child. Like, and it's like that part of me that was like, oh, like this is not normal for most people where it's like, I am that radical that I'm willing to take a whole fucking day to myself.
And my kid is being watched by somebody else so that I can be in pure pleasure, like that is so unthinkable for certain people. And it's like, it's not for me. For me it's a, non-negotiable, like I have to have lots and time of space alone. Like,
Meaghan: yeah.
Amber: just, I just need it, especially as a mother. And I also am learning more about like my generator design and like, I think I'm like a two, four, and it's the two that needs lots of like time to go with it.
And just even just my fucking body is like, I just need like several hours not being climbed on or having the boobs pinched or like, so yeah, permission, permission. I have to constantly give myself [00:37:00] permission to just like spoil the shit out of myself and not make myself sad or wrong, but also to know that it's make people uncomfortable and that's.
Meaghan: Yeah. I love that the theme of this podcast so far has been permission. And I wanna move into your Mary Magdalene Priestess training because you've talked about in the past, how you had this, this idea in your mind of like, it has to be fully formed. It has to be like you're old, you have to be this old crone and you have to be, you know, in this certain house.
And it has to look a certain way and it's not fully formed yet. So I wanna talk about how you kind of gave yourself permission to lead Mary Magdalene in its first form and let it be kind of imperfect, and birthing, and growing and what that felt like for you to put into the world.
Amber: Yeah, it was really fucking scary because like I said in the beginning, it's scary enough to talk about sex [00:38:00] and that it's scary enough to add talking about money with sex. And then I was like, oh fuck. Like, you want me to start like a sex priestess training talking about Mary Magdalene, because there's just so much religious conditioning.
And like there's so much around Mary Magdalene that we don't know. Right. Like she was like, the, there's a lot of storylines I think get confused. And I'm definitely not like a scholar, I didn't go to like Harvard Divinity School. I just have worked with her on a very personal level, as an energy, as an archetype,
Meaghan: Which by the way, Harvard Divinity School, like that sounds like juicy as fuck. I'm sorry.
Amber: it does. It does though, like totally does. Um, I just, I would be too lazy to ever go back to school. In fact, I have nightmares very regularly as I had one last night where I was like graduating, but I didn't finish my classes. And I was like, I woke up and I was like, like I have them regularly. I have to like, maybe do some like dream time exploration into that.
I'm like fear that [00:39:00] like I'm constantly in school and didn't finish my schoolwork or like didn't show up for like half the classes.
Meaghan: Dude. I had nightmares for years about school. I mean, it's a fucking, like it's PTSD straight up.
Amber: Yeah. I, I don't know how I did it because the lazy, I mean, my child and I sleep in until whenever we want. And I definitely am gonna make sure that she has some kind of schooling where we don't have to wake up, because she doesn't wanna wake up that early either. Like we sleep in until like 8:30 to 10:30 most days.
Um, but anyways, just more Testament to being lazy and permission. So yeah, like I think it was around end of December, January when I was driving. And I, all of a sudden had this like upload from pussy, this like download. It was just like, I didn't know it. And then I knew it like in a second, I was like, oh my God, I'm supposed to do like a sex priestess training because I mean, I do a lot of work with different personas, erotic personas, archetypes, like the seductress [00:40:00] and the sexual priestess and the lazy pleasure hedonist and the domes submissive and all these.
Personas and archetypes. And I've also been connecting with Mary Magdalene in my own personal way, um, as this like reclamation of the holy whore energy for several years now, and not so much from like a religious perspective. Um, even though I do have like religious conditioning, but it was just like, she really came through super strong when I was pregnant, it's always been very private.
Like I've shared my rituals over the years, usually around like very Magdalene feast day, which is in like, uh, July 22nd. But for the most part, I would only talk with my private clients about it. Uh, wasn't really something that I came out with as like a facet of my work. And I was like really, you know, reading a lot on her and working with her.
And for me, my connection with Mary Magdalene is at times, there's certain times of the year where it's more like I connect with her as like a, almost [00:41:00] like a deity or an energy that I'm like worshiping. But for me, the way that I've worked with her is actually like, she is me and I, and her, and the path that I'm already walking with this work is actually already the path of Mary Magdelene.
So it's not like I have to like throw her name out there a million times. It's actually like, oh, who I'm being is a reclamation of the red, red lineage of like arrows and love and pleasure, and like service and devotion, and being a true human being, which is like that we're fully human and fully divine, 100% each.
Um, so when I got this nudge, I was just like, no, I'm not doing that. I'm not gonna start talking about Mary Magdalene. I'm not gonna do a Mary Magdalene Sex priestess training. Like, fuck, no. And that just kept coming up. So I messaged my coach and she was just like, yeah, like you, you have to do this like take all the time you need.
But like, cause a lot of what came up was like, oh, you know, I wasn't. I wasn't raised religious enough to talk about her. Like, I didn't grow up in a Catholic school. I just had like [00:42:00] religious conditioning from my uncles. And like my family forcing me to go to like Christian Church and like, you know, I really didn't know much about her until I was in my twenties.
And even then it was just like, there's just a lot. And then there was also this story of like, yep, I've gotta wait until I'm like this 70 year old crone who's already been initiated by another Magdelene sex priestess. Like I've gotta go through my own training as a priestess, even though I have been self-initiated with myself. And I mean, I've worked with a lot of different people over the years, both in like the sex realm and like spirituality, but it was just like, I have this idea of like, I'm not allowed to bring this body of work to fruition until it's basically gonna be perfect. Until I am that old crone and like a red hooded robe on a seaside cliff cave.
And I've already been like initiated by a million other priestesses. It was just like a lot of giving my power away of like, who am I to do this? Um, and then it became very clear that [00:43:00] this was actually about. What I was going through, was exactly what the women who were gonna be drawn to this needed to, they needed to stop giving over their spiritual authority, which is exactly what Mary Magdalene, her work is about.
Right. Is like it's inside of us. We don't need the separation of like, there's a person in between like, you know, a preacher or a pastor or a priestess even. And I have nothing against it. I would love to work with someone who is like, you know, an older chrone priestes send me to not because I need it in order to like, step into that next level of power,
but because it would feel good to be held by someone who is walking in a different stage of life and has that wisdom, like any kind of mentorship it's out of desire, not need, but I don't feel like I found the right person yet. Um, so for me it was like, I don't, I'm gonna get to that vision because I want that vision one day.
I would love to like, have, I don't know, like a grotto seaside, clay, cliff cave kind of thing, and have like a [00:44:00] bathhouse in there. And I see that bigger vision now, but it came to me from the being willing to just be like, all right, I'm gonna start teaching it because the only way I'm gonna get to the more evolved body of work is if I start now and let it evolve, like I'm not gonna end up becoming that version of myself
if I don't start with like the 1.0 version. Um,
Meaghan: Right.
Amber: and these women also need to know that they can self-initiate themselves. So the container is gonna be ending, um, in a few months and we're gonna end the container by having themselves ordain themselves as a sex priestess. Like not. I'll be there holding it, but it's not like I'm going to be, um, you know, this, like I am the high head priestess, but they also are as well.
We're in a council together and I'm holding the container. I'm guiding them, I'm leading them. There are ways in which I'm initiating them, but also because they self-initiated first. And so they're gonna be ordaining themselves at the end of this, because it's so much about reclaiming that [00:45:00] we get to anoint ourselves.
We are the holy one. We get to choose ourselves. We get to fucking decide that we get to do it. We don't have to wait for the holy hand of God or Goddess, or that mentor you studied with six years ago or that person that you admire. Like you don't have to wait for somebody else to like boop us with their holy fairy wand and be like, here are the chosen one. Like bitch, choose yourself.
Meaghan: That feels so powerful for, to, to, to empower these women, to ordain themselves. Like that just feels like, like my pussy was like throbbing at that. Like, I love, I love that idea of like creating a kind of certification, but you are not the one in the end, you know, handing out the diplomas or whatever they are, they are giving it to themselves.
And they're self, um, kind of putting themselves up on a pedestal. Like I am, I, [00:46:00] I did this for me. It wasn't Amber that did this to me. I did this.
Amber: mm-hmm yeah, it just feels so good in my system. Like, it makes me wanna cry right now cuz it's just like. The amount of years that I spent in my life and in my business, like waiting for someone to give me permission, whether it was like that first mentor that I studied with, or, you know, the, the peer and the colleague who like, has more followers than me.
It's like, why am I waiting for this random person to give me permission, only I can give me permission. Like I, we do just get to decide that we are the chosen one and it's really uncomfortable because. Especially, if you do have like religious conditioning, you've been taught that you don't know what's best for you, you've been taught that you can't choose for yourself.
You've been taught that in fact, following your desires is actually bad and wrong. So it goes against so much of our conditioning to choose ourselves and just [00:47:00] decide like, I am the chosen one. I choose myself. I am the anointed one. I anoint myself. I am self ordained. Like whatever words you wanna use, like I get to go first.
I choose myself and I'm giving myself permission to just start messy and raw, and like, let it evolve from there into a juicier version. But it just gets to be just as juicy now. Like this is probably gonna be like, I mean, I'm so glad that I did this because so many women actually wanted it and my own coach ended up joining it.
She's in it. One of my best friends is in it, like. It it, my willingness to be like, I'm gonna do this - actually opened up, it helped me shift so many stories because I also had stories around like, you know, women like me or my coaches would never wanna like hire me, like, who am I? And I really shattered all these stories that like people who are, who I was kind of putting on a pedestal above me, whether it's because they're making more money than me, or they have more [00:48:00] followers or they're doing this longer, or they're my coach, all these people that I was like seeing above me, it was like, I started to just like, we all were on the same level and they've been hiring me and they joined the container and they're still hiring me to this day in different capacities.
And that was so powerful for me as someone who's just been like, oh, silly, little old me, I'm the best secret, nobody knows about. Fuck that. And I, I wanted working with you.
Meaghan: I got what I wanted. I always get what I want. That's another thing that I like that specific phrase I get what I want has been so shameful for me, really, since I met my partner, because he, you know, unintentionally kind of put this, um, pressure on me to not like, get whatever I want, not do whatever I want.
Kind [00:49:00] of like, like who do you think you are that you just get to have what you want? And like, it doesn't everything doesn't always go your way. And I'm like, no, but yes it does.
Yes does. just watch me. You know, like it, it will, and I will get what I want and I will get to do and have, and be who I want. And so. Yeah, that was just a small piece that came up.
But what was the other thing I wanted to say. Oh, I am, I love hiring my clients or buying from my clients. Like it, like, I am a fierce supporter of my clients. I will patronize them. I will plaster them all over my social media. Like I am like constantly hyping them up. Like I am their number one hype person.
And like they are when they're working with me. And [00:50:00] even afterward, like once they come into my vortex, I am constantly like, how are you doing? What do you need? Can I like put you on my story? Send me your like promo material. What have you got going on? Like, I wanna support the shit out of you. And that's like one of my values as a coach and as an entrepreneur is to be supporting other entrepreneurs.
And because I get to work with such fucking fantastic people. I have the pleasure and the privilege to be able to patronize their work and to get to know them in that way. And it just feels epic for me to like, own that.
Amber: Hmm. Yeah, that's so hot. I, I love that so much. And that's, that's something that's becoming increasingly important for me, is like using my platform because I have a podcast that's like, getting four to 5k downloads a month. And it's like, I mean, I do love my podcast, um, for me to do, but it's like, [00:51:00] how can I start spotlighting my clients on there more?
How can bring them onto my Instagram? How can I like start uplifting them? And how can I serve them deeper? And also like, even in the Mary Magdalene, um, something that I'm playing with is like, what if, and even containers moving forward where it's like, I'm not just this like person teaching them things, but how can I give them a space during, or at the end of the container where they also get to share their gifts?
Like, do they wanna lead a ritual? Do they want to like teach a class? Like how can I start using the containers as a way for everyone to network and connect in and serve and be of service and be upheld in the world in a different way. Because that used to be one of my fears was like, oh, if I like. Um, you know, work with this person or talk about this person who does similar work to me, then everybody's gonna wanna hire them.
And it's like, no, your people are gonna wanna hire you. And maybe there's overlap. Maybe they'll hire you and her or them, like who cares? But it shifts from competition to collaboration. [00:52:00] And that energy is like magnetic. It's juicy. It feels so much better in my system to be like, yeah, hire my client, hire me.
Maybe you'll hire us both. Maybe there's a season. And, and maybe you won't resonate with one of us, but you'll resonate with her. And like, if I can help, this is something my coach has really been helping me see is like, even if someone doesn't choose me as their coach, if I can help them find the right person, like if I'm part, it doesn't mean that I like become like, let me help you find.
But if like it naturally happens in the process, like, why wouldn't I want that? Like, I don't want to take in a client who isn't like a total "holy fuck, yes. Pinch me, I can't believe I get to work with you" type of fit. And I wouldn't want to not be that for them either. I wouldn't want them to miss out on the coach or the person that's gonna be like, it just fits together so well, because it's not, I mean, I have turned away clients, which was edgy for me because it wasn't a total 100% fit and I didn't wanna deprive them of the [00:53:00] coach
that was gonna be like the juiciest, most expansive person for them to work either. So I love that you do that. Because It's so, I mean, it's just an, an energy that most people don't live in, because there is so much like competition and comparison and like getting above each other and cutting each other down and like, you've gotta hire me over them crying shit, and I'm just over it.
So thank you for doing that. Cuz it's so important.
Meaghan: Yeah, I love it. I fucking like it lights me up to do. And it's, I also feel the same way about like, if I don't do exactly what you need me to do, like, like I don't, I no longer take consistent bookkeeping clients, but I have a lot of friends who do bookkeeping work and I'm like, you know, you might be a really good fit for, for this person or this person, like this, person's a little bit more spiritual and this person's much more pragmatic and like practical.
And I think that y'all's like, uh, personalities would fit really well. So like I networking is one of my favorite [00:54:00] things to do. And also what I wanted to say about your containers as well. It kind of shifts the dynamic from like you being the head and like your group kind of being down here, all focusing on you to a intertwining and networking, like we're all in this together we're like, creating relationships, friendships, bonds, and this beautiful spider web of like empowered women who have all worked with Amber.
Yes. But like, we have connected through that and I got to see this other woman shine in her gifts, um, in this one session where Amber let like somebody, you know, lead instead. So it's just like shifting the dynamic and there's nothing wrong with like, you know, you being the head and like leading a group of people that has no like interconnectivity, but like, it's just a, it's just a shift.
And I think that's gonna be [00:55:00] really fun for you.
Amber: Yeah. I'm really excited. Um, I love this because I have, like I said, I've been learning more about my human design, just out of like curiosity and the two lines from what I've been learning. Um, and I'm, I'm learning it because I'm in this program called marketing miracle with the content queen. And she has someone in there like teaching the human design.
And the two line is like the hermit where it's like go within and then channel out. Instead of like looking for me, it's like stop looking at everybody else's shit. Like spend more time in introspection and then channel through, which is when I always do my best work. And then the four is about like, Networking and like being more social and I'm like, ah, that's like, so not like it's, that's the more, like, harder, more unconscious shadowy side for me.
Because I do try to collab, sometimes it falls through and I'm like secretly grateful because I'm like, I didn't wanna have to do more work. And like, I wanna just be like left alone. So I've been working with [00:56:00] my coach of like, how do I find my version of networking? And it's almost like, as we're speaking, I'm like, oh, what if the networking is also happening in my containers?
I'm like, I don't know. There's different layers to it, but it's so interesting that this is coming up because I've been sitting in like the introspection of like, what is my style of networking that really turns me on? Like, what am I here to do be create in that, but like not doing it in a way where it's like, I have to. I don't know, just redefining what networking and collaboration means for me and making it work for me and knowing that like, yeah, it's gonna be very fruitful for all involved. If I step into that space.
Meaghan: One thing that just came up. I was literally telling my husband about this yesterday, about how you're gonna create your female gentleman's club. And that could be your networking hub.
Amber: yeah. Oh my God. I can't believe, I didn't see that before, like genius.
Meaghan: I love it. I'm I'm going to be [00:57:00] your first member. I swear to God, I'm gonna be there. I'm so excited.
Amber: Yeah, I need to have, like, I have just like the dream, but I feel like that's what I'm doing. It's the same thing with Mary Magdalene, where I see one day myself having like a physical priestess location.
I also see myself having like some kind of erotic, sexy school for women. And there's this house I actually think of every time they call it the naughty school girl house, that's where my like, mindset work came from and everything. Um, but I also see like having a physical location with like the, I don't know, like I'm picturing like velvet, like red velvet chairs or like those deep, like ox blood colored.
And there's like gold poles. And it's just like all these like sexy vibes, but we're like reforming the wealthy gentleman's club and using it in a way of like, not just keeping the 1% inside of that, but like bringing people, like women in, from the outside and like teaching them wealth and then they go out and then like, it just will, but I have to also like, that's what I'm [00:58:00] creating now, like in the mastermind I'm launching and then the other containers where it's like
start with the virtual, start now. And maybe yeah, one day I will have a physical location or locations who fucking knows what I'm gonna create in the future.
Meaghan: Yeah. I love that. And then my husband was like, well, in Japan, there are these thing. There are these like hostess clubs where, you know, men will come in and they'll pay the women to like sit and talk with them and pour their drinks and just like keep them company. It's not really, it's not really like, um, like escort level, but it's like very much for their company.
And then they also have host clubs where women will come and drop like $30,000 to have these men, like these beautiful men, you know, pour their drinks and like keep them company and just, I was like, wow. That's yeah, that's perfect. I don't know if like you want like men in your club, like being the servers or whatever, but like
Amber: I, I kind of just open, like maybe [00:59:00] I, I just feel like there's just. I can feel the energy of it. And I also imagine there's like people that come in that like, share like their secrets and quotes, if you will, of wealth where it's like, yeah, you're coming in to have like a pleasurable experience and be served.
But also you're gonna walk away feeling so much more wealthier because you're gonna walk away, like learning something that maybe was being kept to a select group of people. Um, so I see it as this way of like stirring the pot in a different way where it's like, let's bring in people who maybe, um, aren't as expanded around their wealth, give them this, um, to like help, like any secrets that we feel like we have, like share those, like, here's how I got to wealth.
Like, what's your pathway? Like I just see it as this place of like, yeah. I would love to imagine, um, men or women or whoever, like serving us, like just different experiences. I [01:00:00] mean, obviously like the erotic blueprint part of me is like, oh my God, the idea of like being served by like a hot man or like a hot woman is just like the dream.
And I just get to combine like the sex and the wealth worlds to create something that's just totally unique.
Meaghan: God, I can see it. And one of the things I wanted to mention as well is while I'm watching your like mastermind calls and some of the courses that I'm in behind the scenes, I love the way that you are always saying, like, I'm picturing this. And like, you have a very, like, I'm the same way. Like I am very clairvoyant.
And so when I'm like connecting with a client, I can literally like, see what they're saying. And like, hold that literal vision. Whereas like, some people are clear audient and they can hear like messages and like channeling and stuff like that. But I feel like you and I are very similar in that we download our messages in picture form or like video form.
And that's like really cool [01:01:00] for me to connect with you like that.
Amber: I love that. I never really knew what that gift was and I didn't highlight it. So thank you, cuz now I can like have awareness around it and maybe like pay more attention to it and sharpen it a bit as like a tool. Um, cuz yeah, like I also love having like audio calls cuz I'll just like close my eyes and it's like, oh yeah, like I'm picturing this.
Or like it's a lot of analogies come through that way for me of like explaining things to clients where it's like, I'm picturing like you doing this or I'm seeing this. So yeah. I never thought about it. So thank you for that.
Meaghan: Yeah. I have some friends who will be like, um, oh, spirit just said this to me. Or I just heard this, when you, when you were talking, I just heard them say this or something like that. And I'm like, I don't hear things. I very much am like visual in my mind. And I see like flashes of pictures and, and moving, moving videos and stuff like that.
Amber: Yeah. I also feel like I get like a felt sense where it's like, oh, when you said that, like my heart [01:02:00] opened, um, or like my pussy relief pulse or I just got like full body chills when you said that, like, so I think, yeah, the seeing of things and the feeling of things, Ooh, I'm walking away from this with like more recognition of my gift
Meaghan: Ooh, sexy
Amber: My pussy tss like.
Meaghan: Well, that's a beautiful place to wrap it up then. I was gonna ask you about Andy and like going into business with Andy and everything like that. But I think we'll save that for next time. Cause I have a lot of questions about like your partner and how y'all do work together, but I'd love to wrap up here and ask you if there's any last minute wisdom that wants to come through for my audience.
Amber: Hmm. Let me feel into that. What's coming through is really just like full circle. The theme of permission is like, whatever that thing is right now that you, it feels edgy, but also, you know that when you say it [01:03:00] or you do it or you claim it or you reclaim it or like, whatever it is, it's going to set your soul free and make your pussy like come alive and just giving yourself permission to do that.
And like creating as much safety as you can around it, because it's not always just a matter of like putting yourself on the chopping block. It's like, how can I build safety within myself so that I know that like, no matter what happens, like I'm gonna still take care of myself and love myself through this experience.
So yeah, what's really coming through is like, give yourself permission and then create safety around it.
Meaghan: Love that. Thank you so much for being here, Amber, and tell us where we can find you and like a couple of your offerings that you have. I know you have your Voxer and, um, a couple, you have a mastermind coming up, right?
Amber: Yeah, you can find me. I primarily play on Instagram. It's at Amber Leitz. Um, right now I have one spot open in my VIP bitch [01:04:00] voxer spot. It's basically for the woman who's already like making. You know, you're making money in your business and you want to not hop on a million zoom calls. It's really just like having me in your pocket, basically, like knowing that whatever you're going through, you I'm like a voxer message away.
And we still go super deep in voxer. In fact, it's like, I love Voxer coaching with my clients. Like there's just so much that can happen there. So I have that. And then I also have my sex and wealth mastermind, which is open right now. And we're gonna be starting, I actually changed the date because I want more time.
Um, so we're gonna be starting, I think it's like September 26th, but I'm only taking five women in it's really small and intimate. It's nine month mastermind really about, um, stabilizing at your next level of wealth and normalizing wealth as your experience, no matter what, like, it doesn't matter what's happening in your money.
You're gonna feel wealthy no matter what. And using the erotic, using sex, using your, uh, pleasure practices as a way [01:05:00] of moving to that next income level and becoming more powerful, feeling more wealthy, and really setting that foundation of like wealth is safe and wealth is sexy. Like building wealth actually gets to be sexy learning to make money and hold money gets to feel sexy.
Um, so those are kind of the primary containers that I have open right now. Um, That I guess I would invite people into, there's probably more coming in the future, but I dunno what they are yet.
Meaghan: Well, you'll get those downloads, I know.
Amber: Mm-hmm oh yeah. And they're gonna be really good.
Meaghan: Well, thank you so much, Amber. I'm so happy that you came on and we'll talk soon. Okay.
Amber: Thank you so much for having me.
Meaghan: Bye.
Amber: Bye.
PODCAST OUTRO:
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Love you so much. Bye.